


Where have all the flowers gone?

by mrshopkirk



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Character Death, Discussion of Abortion, F/M, Friendship, Heartbreak, Little bit of Fluff, Mentions of Cancer, Original Character Death(s), Peer Pressure, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Steve Rogers, Sad Ending, Steve Rogers Feels, Teenage Pregnancy, War, World War II, brief mentioning of abortion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-26
Updated: 2017-05-26
Packaged: 2018-11-05 04:16:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11005779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrshopkirk/pseuds/mrshopkirk
Summary: You live next to the Barnes’ family and Steven Rogers, growing up together. When the boy that got you pregnant takes off, Bucky, Rebecca and Steve become your family. Your life takes you to too many graveyards, mourning Bucky, Steve and the cruel faith that seems to hunt the name Barnes.





	Where have all the flowers gone?

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song "Where have all the flowers gone" as performed by Marlène Dietrich.   
> First posted on Tumblr.

You grew up next door to the Barnes family and spent your entire childhood by the side of Rebecca Barnes, like two peas in a pot. That kind of loyalty seemed to be the trademark of the Barnes’ as Rebecca’s brother James, or Bucky as most people called him, was glued to the side of his own best friend Steve Rogers. The boys were seven years older than Rebecca and you so it was only natural you didn’t always spend your time with them but they were family, they were friends.

When Becca and you were in your teens, Bucky and Steve were already regulars at the local dance hall. Bucky was a gorgeous young man, sometimes smothered with female attention, and Becca and you often teased him. But you had to hand it to him, he was always respectful and when he brought a date he politely brushed off any other dames that flaunted themselves over him.

The same couldn’t be said for the boy that brought you to the dance one evening. You loved Danny and despite the warnings of Bucky and Steve that the boy was no good, you still hung out with him. You hadn’t want to talk to him when he had whistled at you walking down the street but he had cornered you and he had turned out to be a sweet talker so you had agreed to go out for ice cream the next day. Life with him was fun and adventurous. You smoked your first cigarette together, ate an apple he had dared you to steal, shared your first kiss that you were reluctant to give but the rough way he had pressed his lips to you made you tingle all over. He pushed your limits and in return you pushed the little voice in your head that said he was wrong in a faraway corner. You didn’t want to lose him so you went along. The next time you heard the warning voice, it wasn’t the one in your head but it was Bucky and Steve telling you again that the boy was nothing but trouble. They had taken you to Steve’s apartment to sober you up. You had gone on a ‘date’ down to the docks but instead of a nice romantic walk, you had met Danny’s friends who were drinking. You didn’t want to try it but he had convinced you and it had tasted good. All you remembered was Danny being pulled away from your lips by a fuming Bucky. Steve had been uncharacteristically quiet but his jaw had been clenched not wanting to cause trouble for you. But you didn’t listen to them and still continued to date Danny.

“Come on, sweetheart. Why not?”

“I don’t know, Danny. I just, I don’t want to.” Danny kissed you, ghosting his lips over your neck.

“Come on. Remember you didn’t want to kiss me? And you liked it afterwards, didn’t you?” You nodded. “And you never thought it would feel so good when I touched these.” He rubbed his thumbs over your nipples. “And I showed you anyway, didn’t I?” His hands wandered from your breasts to your ass and he gave it a firm squeeze and pulled you close to him. You felt his cock straining in his pants.

“Danny, I don’t know,” you trailed off but his kisses were distracting. He was an amazing kisser and always made you feel so good with the sweet words he told you.

“Sweetheart, come on. Please? I want you so bad. Can’t you feel it?” He grinded against you and bunched up your skirt in his fists, breathing heavily. “Have I ever let you down, huh? Remember all those times you didn’t want to and how good it felt when I did anyway?”

And that’s how Danny persuaded you to go with him to his apartment and proved himself wrong. It didn’t feel good. Not in the beginning, not in the middle, not afterwards. It had hurt. Luckily it didn’t last long. He rolled of you, very satisfied.

“You need to pee, sweetheart, so you don’t get knocked up.”

So you did and avoided looking at yourself in the mirror, too afraid of what you might see. When you closed the bathroom door behind you, you saw Danny stand in the living room with your clothes in his hands.

“I’ll walk you home.”

It hurt walking home but that didn’t keep you from hurrying up the stairs to your apartment before Bucky and Steve, who were sitting outside, could ask what caused your tear-stained face.

“Who is the father?!,” Your father yelled. All you did was cry. Danny had said it wasn’t his, pushing you out of his apartment and slamming the door in your face. So here you were, 16 years old and pregnant and your tragedy wormed its way through the wall into the Barnes’ living room where it reached the ears of Becca, Bucky and Steve.

“Becca?” Bucky asked but his sister just bit her lower lip while her hands gripped the chair she was sitting and tears fell on her skirt. “Becca? Who is it? What happened?”

Steve kept his gaze fixed on his friend’s sister but she kept quiet.

“Rebecca,” Steve softly asked, “was it Danny?” The hitch in Becca’s breath told them all they needed to know.

Becca nodded and cried harder when Bucky pulled his baby sister close to him. Steve was livid.

“She said it hurt and it hurt walking home. And that she was bleeding.”

The argument with your father got more and more heated. You were trying to defend yourself though there was nothing to be done and your father threatened you to get rid of the baby, which shook you to the core as that option never crossed your mind.

“No! I’m keeping my baby!”

“You’re 16! If there is no father to take care of you both than that’s out of the question!”

Between your sobs, huddled on the floor, you heard the faint sound of knocking on the door. When your father dismissed whoever it was without even opening the door, the knocks became louder. He yanked open the door and sighed.

“Now is not a good time, Becca. Please go home.” Behind Becca you saw two other figures in the hallway.

Bucky slowly made his way past Becca and stood in front of your father while Steve held your friend’s shoulders. Bucky shot you a small smile before speaking the most horrible lie you had ever heard.

“I’m the father.”

He walked over to you, crouched down to take your hand and held it tight when he helped you up. When you asked him with pleading eyes why he was getting himself in this much trouble, he shushed you.

“It’s going to be alright. We’re going to be alright.” He put his arms around your shoulder in the most protective manner. “I’m sorry, sir, I really am. But I promise I’ll take good care of them. I have a job at the docks and we can move in with Steve. He has a spare room.” Steve nodded frantically.

Your father yelled at Bucky for what seemed like hours, threw every possible insult at him and he took it all in stride while holding you, his hands clutching your shoulders. He heard how irresponsible he had been, how he dared to sleep with a girl as young as his own little sister, the shame he brought upon the family and you. And Bucky stood there; back straight and a determined look on his face.

“We’ll get married as soon as possible, sir.” You almost fainted. You didn’t want to get married so young and Bucky definitely didn’t. That much you knew but the matter was settled. You knew there was no other way.

Two weeks later you were Mrs. James Buchanan Barnes, the envy of many girls and the talk of the town as to why you two got married in such a hurry. But you couldn’t complain, not with a new family surrounding you. Becca helped you were she could, Steve was at your beck and call and Bucky kept his promise and worked until he could no more to provide for you and little James Steven Barnes, the love of your life. Life wasn’t perfect but that little bundle of joy was. Everyone around him loved him, including both your parents. Though Bucky and you weren’t lovers, family life was more than good.

Little James wasn’t a year old before Bucky was drafted and broke your little family in two. He made Steve promise to do whatever it took to keep you both safe and with his wheezy breath he did. When Becca and you went to see him off, every girl and woman on the dock had picked flowers in the city gardens to give to their departing soldiers. Bucky looked at the flowers like they were the most precious gift and gave you and his son a last kiss goodbye, promising to return soon.

> _Where have all the flowers gone, long time passing?_  
>  Where have all the flowers gone, long time ago?  
>  Where have all the flowers gone?  
>  Young girls picked them, every one!  
>  When will they ever learn, when will they ever learn?  
> 

Months went by with scarce news coming from the front lines. Steve took care of you as much as he could but he was torn between the promise he made to Bucky and wanting to serve his country. When he confided in you that he had given it one last try and was accepted in a military experimental program, your legs gave out and you dropped to the floor. All you could hear was the blood rushing in your ears. It was the word experiment that knocked out all common sense in you. In the end you gave him your blessing, how could you not after all his sacrifices, and in return he officially gave you the apartment.

“You’ll let me live here when I get back, right?” he joked.

When he was about to get in the military car that came to pick him up, little James gave him the same flowers you had given his father, grabbed Steve’s jacket and held on as long as he could with those little grabby hands of his. As Steve’s car disappeared in the distance you were left behind with a crying boy and your friend Becca.

You didn’t hear from Steve for quite a while but soon figured out he was the one they called Captain America. He came to visit one day to tell you he was going to visit the troops overseas but left brokenhearted when James had ran away from him, not recognizing the well-built man on the couch despite that he had taken care of him since the day he was born.

Weeks and months came and went until it became two years since Bucky and Steve had left. James was getting bigger every day and looking more and more like his father. He had dark brown hair, crystal blue eyes and a smile that already melted every woman’s heart. His favorite thing to do was hold your finger that had your wedding ring on it to fall asleep.

Whenever you looked in the mirror all those years ago you saw that you transformed from a young and naïve girl into an independent woman that worked hard in the war industry alongside Becca while James stayed with Bucky’s mother. The longer the men stayed away, the more rapid the women seemed to age, worried lines etching their way on their tired faces.

> _Where have all the young girls gone, long time passing?_  
>  Where have all the young girls gone, long time ago?  
>  Where have all the young girls gone?  
>  Gone to young men, every one!  
>  When will they ever learn, when will they ever learn?  
> 

By the end of 1944 there were fewer and fewer young men in the streets, all drafted or volunteered to join their brothers in arms. Women were taking their places to keep everything going and tried to support each other. Whether it was helping to keep their chin up, sharing what they could and pick up the pieces of each other when another letter arrived.

Your heart stopped every time you saw one of those letters, remembering the day you received the news of Bucky’s disappearance behind enemy lines. You had hoped against hope that he would be found. It only said they assumed he was dead after all. After all that he had done, a fate this cruel was not what he deserved. Your prayers were answered by Steve himself who brought Bucky back from the dead.

They said nothing is more painful than a broken heart when you lose someone to the heaven’s above. But while your heart tried to mend itself after Bucky was found, all you could think of was how ridiculously easy the war toyed with life and death and for what? The longer the war lasted the less clear the reason became. All the women wanted was for their loved ones, husbands, fathers, brothers to return at any cost. And although the battlefields of Europe had Bucky back, you relieved your misery over and again as death was found all around you. There were no mangled bodies where you lived but the streets, the grocery stores, the factories were filled with ghosts. Whereas empty bombshells were scattered throughout battlefields, empty shells of human beings were scattered throughout the town.

> _Where have all the young men gone, long time passing?_  
>  Where have all the young men gone, long time ago?  
>  Where have all the young men gone?  
>  Gone to soldier, every one!  
>  When will they ever learn, when will they ever learn?  
> 

The letters came in rapid succession those days and the days were filled with stress and fear until the mailman came and left. But sometimes that man brought good news as well, like the letter Bucky wrote you filled with love.

_“My darling wife and son,_

_They say the war will be over shortly. I hope they are right. Steve and I are fighting hard to come home soon. I can’t wait to see you again and hold James in my arms. He must have grown so much. I miss him and the home we made together. Becca told me you’re working in a factory now. Try and hold on. I’ll take care of you both again when I get home. Don’t you worry, doll._

_I will see you both soon. Can’t wait. Kiss James for me._

_Your Bucky.”_

The next letter that followed the same week made you a war widow once more. He was dead. He was gone. Your savior. James’ father. Becca’s brother. She had been your rock to lean on all those years. Now it was time to return the favor and hold her all those dark nights she mourned her lost brother and screamed profanities at everything and nothing until her throat was raw. By the time you received the letter stating Steve’s death in service of your country you were both numb. Only your son gave both Becca’s and your life purpose.

It didn’t happen often but sometimes you realized that James wasn’t actually Bucky’s child. Not by blood anyway but he was in every other possible manner. To Bucky, James was his everything. He wasn’t in love with you when he married you but he loved you enough to devote his life to you and an unborn child from another man. He sacrificed his own future, as he never went dancing anymore, never romanced another woman. He dedicated his time and everything he had to give to you and James. He was there every step of the way and he did so without hesitation. You overheard Steve ask him once if he didn’t love another woman and he did. He had fallen in love. It didn’t break your heart for it was never truly his, not like a wife’s heart should belong to her husband, but it ached for him. You were responsible for his heartbreak. But he shook it off, said this was the life he had chosen and he was happy. It wasn’t the future he once had in mind but it was good and when James had started crying he told Steve he was certain he had made the right choice, no regrets. You honored the sacrifice he had made for James and you by staying a widow, never searching a love for yourself either.

When your son grew up into a strapping young man much like his dad, you were proud. Unlike his dad however he married the first girl he ever dated. They were blessed with a son of their own, James Steven Barnes Jr., their only child.

The last thing you expected was the birthday present he got you on the day when he was 18 years old.

“I’ve enlisted, grandma. Just like grandpa and uncle Steve. I’ll make them proud, grandma. Just wait and see.”

“You idiot,” was the only thing coming out of mouth and you meant it. He was a fucking idiot. All Bucky and Steve ever wanted was a quiet, long, happy life. If the war never happened they would never have been soldiers. It wouldn’t even have crossed their minds. You were proud of all the soldiers that dedicated their lives to serve your country. You just didn’t want to think about your grandson facing the wrong side of a gun. But this James was determined to continue the legacy of the Howling Commando Barnes and Captain America.

When a war in a faraway country roared its ugly head, your worst nightmare came true.

“Were they scared, grandma?” your grandson asked on the phone before he shipped out.

“They didn’t really talk about it, my boy. It wasn’t done back then, but yes. They were scared, scared of dying, scared of never coming back. But they tried, my boy. God knows they gave their all to make it home safe to us.” When the other end of the line stayed quiet, you spoke your final words to your grandson. “Have courage, James. Your examples are James Buchanan Barnes and Steven Grant Rogers, they will be with you every step of the way. But there is one thing you must do better than they did.”

“Yes, grandma?”

“You must come back.”

And so another James Barnes was sent off to war at the same age as Bucky. It seemed the faith of this family. It also seemed faith that no James Barnes returned from war.

> _Where have all the soldiers gone, long time passing?_  
>  Where have all the soldiers gone, a long time ago?  
>  Where have all the soldiers gone?  
>  Gone to graveyards, every one!  
>  When will they ever learn, when will they ever learn?

You never gave your grandson flowers when he was sent out. But you did put them on his empty grave. It felt like the name Barnes was cursed and meant to die a pointless death. Of course the war served a purpose but that didn’t ease the pain. Unlike Bucky and Steve, your grandson was honored with a tombstone placed in an already existing military graveyard. When you looked around you saw he was laid to rest amongst soldiers that might have fought alongside Bucky and Steve. Who would tell? You saw a woman close to your age sitting by a grave that looked like it belonged to her long lost husband.

“It’s an empty grave,” she said. “I never made it to Europe to see where he is really buried but someone sent me a picture.” She showed you the picture of a graveyard covered in flowers.

> _Where have all the graveyards gone, long time passing?_  
>  Where have all the graveyards gone, long time ago?  
>  Where have all the graveyards gone?  
>  Gone to flower, every one!  
>  When will they ever learn, oh when will they ever learn?

You didn’t survive your grandson for very long but it was fine by you. You did survive Becca and you were selfishly glad for that. At least you wouldn’t have to bury her too. The last thing you asked her was to put the flowers you both loved on your own grave.

It wasn’t much later that your son James Steven Barnes buried his aunt Becca, adorning her grave with your beloved flowers.

It wasn’t long after that disaster hit the last of the Barnes’ line. Cancer took your son and placed him by your side. His flesh was barely cold when the news was bursting with reports of the return of Captain America and a ghost known as the Winter Soldier.


End file.
